The Mythology Snob: Shin Megami Tensei

These games are amazing

Seriously, the header says it all, the Shin Megami Tensei series, Persona Series, Digital Devil Saga Series, and even the odd spin-off Catherine, are all fantastic games that nail down mythological depictions and ideas with razor sharp precision. Like tvtropes says, the number of things that Shin Megami Tensei may get wrong is overshadowed by the enormous amount of things they get RIGHT.

Each story is unique and different, and very enjoyable, but for the sake of this entry, I will be observing only the representations of the “Demons” or mythological beings that are featured in the series. Unlike listing the games I have played and going through them, I will provide examples of the amazing work that Shin Megami Tensei’s auteurs create in the form of a Top 10 Demons list. This list will be composed of my absolute favorite representations from the games and why I love them.

How these characters are grouped depends on the game type. In Shin Megami Tensei, they are placed into categories such as “Lady”, “Beast” or “Vile”, depending on their main characteristics and functions. It is this type of grouping that I prefer, as it is fun to draw comparisons between many different forms of mythology. In Persona, they are grouped by the major arcana of astrology, which might seem a little odd at times, (Saturnus as the Sun? Since when is he that happy?) or sometimes too literal, (Haha, Kaiwan the star-shaped god is in the Star arcana). Digital Devil Saga has people turn into the demon forms and features some of the more interesting designs in the series, (more on that later), but is not very organized. Well, what are we waiting for, let’s dive right in!

Honorable Mentions

SMT-Daisoujou

Although not a mythological figure, I HAD to put Daisoujou on this list. He is my second-favorite of the fiends, a special type of boss fought in Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne, and is a rather jovial fellow for a self-mummified corpse. Representing one of the strangest religious practices in the world, this cheery monk was one of my must-haves in the game.

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Raphael earns an honorable mention because, in spite of not looking all that unique for an angel, I became so attached to this fantastic design that when he was redesigned into a robot, I felt like a part of me had been crushed. Firstly, observe the amazing pink clothing. Secondly, observe the badass pose and sword. Thirdly, THAT HAIR. I seem to really like characters with ridiculous hair that sticks straight up, and applying it to the archangel of medicine and love seems all too appropriate.

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Although not a huge fan of his abilities, this design for Nata Taishi is without a doubt my favorite interpretation of the boy hero. It reminds me a lot of Astro Boy, which is a fairly interesting way to depict him. This shows up as an honorable mention simply because I actually like THIS design more than his SMITE design. Shocking, huh?

10: Barong and Rangda

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In the battle between good and evil, I honestly couldn’t decide who deserved this spot more. Both of these deities are represented perfectly, with Barong being a powerful leonine guardian spirit and Rangda being an evil but unique looking witch. I usually end up using at least one of them in Nocturne for a while, if only because Barong is adorable and powerful, and Rangda is the most powerful of the “Femme” type of which I am a big fan. Great job on both of these, SMT.

9: Take-Minakata

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Although usually a weak demon in the series, I absolutely love this fellow’s design. Like some other sons and derivatives of Okuninushi, Minakata looks vaguely similar to him, but MUCH more awesome. Take-Minakata is one of the original examples of the trope “handicapped badass” in that even after both of his arms were crushed, he managed to make a name for himself…as the god of hunting…while having no arms. This design encapsulates all that makes Take-Minakata awesome.

8: Ippon-Datara

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Another disabled strange-looking man from Japanese mythology, the blacksmith spirit Ippon-Datara has the edge over Take-Minakata because of the personality that the creators of Shin Megami Tensei, and especially the Raidou Kuzonoha games crafted for him. One would think a blacksmith would be very serious or stern, but Ippon-Datara has taken to dressing up in maid costumes and repeatedly discussing or rather, screaming loudly about, pineapples. The content that is not a part about who he actually was isn’t offensive and is sort of funny, and he remains useful to those starting out in many games.

7:  Mother Harlot

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Ah, the Whore of Babylon. Oft described, but never visualized, until now. Only described as a woman in purple riding a seven headed beast, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne took this concept and ran absolutely wild with it. Now a skeletal faced Fiend, (and my favorite Fiend of all), not only is she a ridiculously unique and neat looking boss, she has one of the most interesting cutscenes in the game, giving the player one hell of a jumpscare if they are not familiar with her horrifying face. She also is the biggest wine-aholic I know of, even moreso than yours truly!, (even some of her battle cries sound like she is gurgling the words “drink wine”). A very unique design overall and a fantastic interpretation on one of the most bizarre figures of Abrahamic myth.

6: Ganesha

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Ganesha is this high for one reason only: They did not mess this guy up at ALL. One of the most accurate and still awesome-looking designs in the series, I recall playing through Nocturne waiting and waiting for my Purski to evolve into Ganesha, and when it did, I was extremely happy.Ganesha as a deity means a lot to me, both as an interesting character and as a symbol of good luck and prosperity. Not to mention that until you hit endgame content, he is one of the strongest demons you can have. SMT, I salute you for doing such a wonderful character justice.

5: Kaiwan

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Let me start by saying this: I have no idea who this guy is supposed to be. It states that he is an Assyrian deity, but it also states that Kaiwan is one of the names of a Lovecraftian deity. So, which is it? To be honest, I like this design more than the actual design for Hastur the Unspeakable. Rather than being an uninspired mass of tentacles, Kaiwan is a very strange looking hybrid of a Christmas tree topper, a zebra, and a demonic-looking Bozo the Clown. He attacks by screaming like a girl and spins in circles uncontrollably. Kaiwan is just too unique for me not to put him on this list, and I can certainly see the design inciting madness, (and ragequitting) in those that encounter him.

4: Shiva

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My absolute favorite demon to use in Nocturne and one of my favorite designs EVER, it is hard to mess up the God of Destruction. Still, it is surprising how many times Shiva isn’t portrayed correctly, with his track record being almost as bad as Kali’s when it comes to confusion. When it comes to SMT, Shiva has had two designs, but his most common one lately is also my favorite one. It isn’t so much the look of him that I like, considering that he looks similar to the sculpture of the Lord of Dance, but rather the fact that he ACTUALLY dances. His movements are rather erratic, sort of like that Going to the Store video, but it is remarkably fitting for the character, especially in Digital Devil Saga 2, in which it seems like he is grooving to the music as he fights you.

3: Brahman

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One of the most deep, thoughtful, symbolism-ridden bosses of the series, without all the gross imagery of bosses like Pandora. The battle with Brahman is without a doubt the highlight of Digital Devil Saga 2. The music, the imagery, the sheer surrealism and incomprehensibility of the supreme being, the creator and destroyer. This is one of my favorite bosses in the ENTIRE franchise. To me, Brahman always resembled a train, ever charging forward through time, ever watching and planning the actions of mankind. It’s just amazing to me how much thought was put into this.

2: Izanami

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Only one boss could have topped the fantastic work that was done on Brahman. Izanami, specifically Izanami-no-Okami, is one of the most unique depictions of the doomed goddess I have ever seen. Not only is she a corpse, not only is she rotting and vengeful, but she is more horrifying and unsettling than any other boss in the series, (Sorry Pandora, grossout scares don’t count). Not only is Izanami imposing as she should be, she is my favorite boss in ALL of Shin Megami Tensei-dom because of the sheer power and horror that she wields, all while originally hiding in plain sight. Truly the pinnacle of boss design with respect to mythology when it comes to these games.

I am thou, thou art I. Thou art NUMBER ONE!

1: Metatron

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I couldn’t not. I couldn’t NOT put this angel at number one. As cool as robotic Greek gods, Art Deco machines, and a Persona that looks like a Transformer are, there was ONE original robotic interpretation before ALL others. Metatron is simply the most interesting, most unique interpretation of the divine voice since Alan Rickman snarked and declared God’s will in Dogma. A mysterious figure, as many Abrahamic angels are, Metatron was originally merely a voice, a maintainer of the world considered inaccessible. As cool as SO many designs are in this game, from the flaming ghostly Aramisaki, to the humanoid serpent Vasuki, to the absolutely nightmarish Tiamat, Metatron takes the cake for me. When I fought him for the first time in Nocturne I was absolutely in AWE of how overpowering and inhuman he appeared, without the game turning him into an ugly monster. Metatron is what an angel SHOULD be: cold, distant, almost robotic, and ready to dish out harsh judgment. My absolute favorite mythologically accurate and insightful design in the series.

On the NEXT Mythology Snob, I will discuss the…less awesome designs of Shin Megami Tensei and whether they work or not. Believe it or not, some do!

And Now For Something Completely Different: 10 WORST Creepypastas

Erm…Boo?

As readers know, I am a horror writer and an avid scary story fanatic, among many other things. I also have a lot of sass, a taste for liquor, and a tendency to critique things I do not particularly care for. As I said on my previous blog entry, “Top 10 Creepypastas”, the Creepypasta community has a few hits, but it also has a LOT of misses. I liken it to dumpster diving. Sometimes you’ll find a few good things that just need a little wash up before they are donated to a greater cause, sometimes you’ll even find something you want to keep for yourself. What will you find most of the time? Trash. So, because even I can see a negative side to things, here is the 10 Worst Creepypastas in my opinion. Instead of just saying “this sucks and I hate it”, I plan to offer critiques on them about things that work, things that don’t, and things that are particularly egregious.

Dishonorable Mentions

It Will Get Worse. If you looked up the definition of “so bad it’s good” in a phrasebook, you would find this Creepypasta in its entirety. It is terrible beyond reason, but its terribleness is more hilarious than groan-worthy, mostly because of the hilariously bad grammar and spelling. Give it a listen over on MichaelLeroi’s channel and listen to these guys try and fail to read it without laughing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBvBNMlZCXY

The story of Username 666 is more interesting than stupid, but it is totally fake and relies on the whole, “AAA 666 is evil AAAAAA!” thing to get people freaked out. The videos are actually taken from a user on youtube who makes interesting horror themed works, but the fact that this story has fooled people is hilarious enough to keep it only on the honorable mentions. At least the visuals are neat, (the drawing above is hilariously bad though, enjoy). http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Username:_666

The stories that encompass Slenderman would have been included on this list because they are unoriginal and dumb, but due to the recent horrific and reprehensible deeds committed by two sociopathic teenagers, I will not include it. Slenderman is still pretty dull though. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slender_Man

10: Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv

OH NO A PHOTOSHOPPED IMAGE, OH NO SO SCARY! Ok, ok. There is a reason why this story isn’t higher on the list. And that’s because there isn’t much to it, other than the video of a guy staring, and then a photoshop of his face made to make it look like he’s smiling. Apparently people killed themselves after watching the “whole video”, but the author doesn’t even bother to give inklings as to what happens in the “whole video”, so why should it scare me? This Creepypasta is a waste of time, but it’s hardly the awful affront to horror writing that later entries are. http://wafflesatnoon.com/mereana-mordegard-glesgorv/

9: Lavender Town Syndrome

Ok, we’re getting into thought out bad territory with this one. Many Poke-pastas are terrible, but the story of the Lavender Town music causing suicides is the granddaddy of them all, so let’s tear this one apart! Apparently, the music of Lavender Town is so atrociously bad that it causes suicides and insanity in people. This could have worked if the music itself wasn’t accessible and was described more artistically, or if it took place in the mind of a child slowly losing their mind to the music. Still, to just say “omg dis muzic maek u die an go crzy!” is just a lack of effort. This is another pasta that I feel generally apathetic about. If the author doesn’t care, why should I care?  The side stories of Buried Alive and Pokemon Creepy Black are just as dull and uninspired. http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Lavender_Town_Syndrome

8: Suicidemouse.avi

Considered the forefather of the “lost episode” genre, one can see why almost every lost episode pasta is terrible if one looks at this general mess of crap. A cartoon slowly going “weird” is not scary, especially when you consider that many MANY actually weird cartoons were created in the 1930s. The idea of a tape causing someone to commit suicide was tried in other entries and it never seems to work. Once again, the “scary” part of the cartoon isn’t described, hinting at the author’s lack of imagination. Apparently the viewer was driven to shoot himself with a security guard’s pistol, (why does a security guard even HAVE one?!). Once again it relies on the “hell” cliche, which is tired and old. This story could have been successful if more imagination was poured into it, but for now, “Real Stuffing isn’t Foam”. http://www.creepypastaindex.com/creepypasta/suicidemouse-avi

7: Skinwalker

“But BECK, this one is GOOOOD!”. Yes it is creepy, but it has one fatal flaw: the author has NO IDEA what an actual Skinwalker is and as such, shits all over Native American mythology An actual Skinwalker, as described by the Navajo, is a shapeshifter of sorts that gains its powers from killing a member of their own family. The actual stories are chilling and frightening. The Rake, however, is a creature created on a forum deliberately designed to be scary. These two things being combined is one of the WORST things that could happen. The fact that the author not only gets the tribal myth WRONG but uses it as an excuse to write a story about a Rake is infuriating. The fact that some people comment “I don’t care if it’s wrong” just enrages me more. How can these kids NOT care about traditional mythology?! Just write a story about the Rake and leave traditions out of it! http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Skinwalker

6: Mr. Mix

You know a Creepypasta fails at doing its job when it makes me laugh rather than making me scream. The game section of the Creepypasta is boring and just describes a game that children are afraid of. I was afraid of things in video games when I was a kid, but that doesn’t mean it was actually something evil. It describes the game and how “scary” it was and how it caused “untold psychological damage”, but never goes into detail. Then, at the end, a random guy is arrested and says “I AM MR. MIX RARARARARARAR”. Apparently that was supposed to be the jumpscare, but that made me laugh more than anything the day that I decided to read it. Listening to an accredited Creepypasta reader didn’t lesson the blow and made me laugh even more. Basically, this thing fails and less people need to write gaming pastas. http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Mr._Mix

5: The Real Chuck-e-Cheese

Talk about taking something that isn’t scary at all and floundering in an attempt to make it scary. The scariest thing about Chuck-e-Cheese is the price of the gross pizza and the fact that kids run everywhere and scream like wild animals. Nope, we gotta make a Creepypasta about it. Apparently giant mutant rats are being raised in the back rooms of the building, how original. Also, the writer, for some reason, this person is able to remember EVERY detail from his “experience” that happened when he was 5 years old. I don’t remember everything from when I was 5, and I’m sure this author could have made this better if it was more vague, also with less stupid giant rats. Also, for some reason, this child is super powerful and able to escape not only a grown scientist, but also a rat, that is somehow in a wide open area of the Chuck-e-Cheese. To listen to a reading, go here and skip ahead to about 6:54. Prepare to laugh.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1DEn-xr79c

4: A Close Encounter with the Tails Doll

Good gods above is this hilariously bad. This is a story written by someone who seems to think that dolls are scary, let alone stupid plush dolls of Sonic characters. This is but one of a couple Tails doll stories including one that is a ripoff of Bloody Mary and apparently summons a plush doll in the mirror that is OH SO SCARY OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. This story falls flat in assuming that stuffed animals are scary. As a collector of weird stuffed animals, I always find it funny when my friends express their fears about them. They’re just stuffed toys. Also, it is impossible for a stuffed doll, even if it is imbued with supernatural powers, to lift a chainsaw and start fires without burning itself. The grammar is terrible and the image of a goofy looking Tails doll chasing people is hilarious. If they wanted to make a scary doll story, they should have made it have more mysterious things happen little by little rather than trying to be scary with gore and plush toys. The author needs to go back to the cl           assroom and rethink this story.  http://sonicthehedgehogcreepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/A_Close_Encounter_with_the_Tails_Doll

3: Squidward’s Suicide

*retches* This is the pinnacle of pointless gore. And by pointless I mean VERY pointless. When I read this, I found myself going from skeptical, to frustrated with the random tense changes, to nearly losing my lunch over the descriptions of the mutilated children. “BUT BEEEEECK, you included a story in your top 10 that included the death of a child! TWO in fact!”. Those deaths, however, were a part of the story, seamlessly incorporated, and in one case, an unsettling twist of events. The deaths in this story are the only “scary” thing about it, and they are more tasteless and gross than scary. The idea of animation growing more “deranged” is also quite dumb. Spongebob is an innocent show, and no matter how hard people try, it will never be scary. Between the grammar, the improbability, and the absolutely tactless and stupid inclusion of mutilated children for “shock value”, this one is a stinker.  http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Squidward%27s_Suicide

2: Jeff the Killer

Oh gods above, not this stupid fangirl fodder. There are so many things WRONG with this story that I don’t even know where to begin. Since I mentioned them first though, I think I will start out with the pedophi- I mean fangirls. I don’t know if these girls know that they are obsessively flinging themselves at a brain-damaged child. Maybe that’s what turns them on, I don’t know! I don’t want to know! As for the story itself, the grammar is beyond terrible, and many impractical things happen. Teenagers carrying guns and doing wrestling moves like luchadors? Check! Bleach and alcohol somehow turning someone’s skin white and hair black? Check! Cliched origin story? DOUBLE check! There are ways that this story COULD have worked, but the writer seemed more focused on creating the deranged lovechild of Freddy Kruger and The Joker to even bother trying. Why not make the child more believable as a child, and the bullies more believable as bullies? Why not show Jeff’s downward spiral instead of saying “He felt weird”? Why not make his injuries more applicable to what actually happened to him? The final nail in this story’s coffin for me is the badly photoshopped picture. When you can easily make a face damn near close to the image, it loses its impact, and I am the self-entitled Queen of the Slasher Smile. http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Jeff_the_Killer

And the WORST Creepypasta I have ever read is..

1: Sonic.exe

This is it. The KING of the shit pile of bad Creepypasta. This is just terrible, beyond terrible, astronomically bad. SO bad that there is even a drinking game for it, (On the wonderful MichaelLeroi’s channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zO9rTlLip0)! It has ALL the cliches. Hyper-Realistic blood, gore, dead animals, 666, game glitches, evil stuffed animals attacking people. It makes me wonder if the author even tried, or if they set out to make something terrible and that children thought it was SO scary that it was legitimate. The author who writes it even dares to claim that EVERYONE is a big Sonic fan, which I must strongly disagree with. The games are dull and the fandom is utterly insane. The grammar in this story is also atrocious and the author tries to freak out the reader with gore rather than setting up legitimate scares. There is no suspense whatsoever, no atmosphere, no nothing. At best, this pasta is hilarious as you play the drinking game and slowly get trashed laughing your ass off, and at worse, it’s a pile of trash best left alone.  http://www.creepypasta.co.uk/2013/07/sonicexe.html

Next time we will turn to good things with The Mythology Snob’s piece on Shin Megami Tensei, followed by another entry on SMITE. I need some positivity after this much stupidity.

And Now for Something Completely Different: Top 10 Creepypastas

BOO!

I don’t know if any of you were expecting this, but I am a (published) horror story writer. Granted, by published I mean in my undergrad’s writing magazine, but published nonetheless! Therefore, I’m a horror aficionado. I also love horror films, stories, games, etc, but this countdown is about Creepypastas. Horror stories have developed a sort of following on the internet in the form of Creepypastas, but, what does a person with such a strong experience and affinity for horror think of these? Well, for the most part they suck. A lot. A corrupted game cartridge and a plush doll covered in blood isn’t scary. Excessive gore isn’t scary either, it’s just tasteless and gross, (looking at YOU Squidward’s Suicide). However, occasionally, through the pile of filth that is Creepypasta, I will find something good, something that I honestly beat myself up over not coming up with the idea first, some things that sound JUST like my own work. This is a countdown of the top 10 Creepypastas that I enjoyed reading the most and recommend to any real horror nut like yours truly:

Honorable Mentions

These are stories that have an aspect that I find works, but fall flat otherwise and flounder around in cheap scare land. The first of these is Smiledog.jpgwhich I admit, the picture scared the crap out of me when I first saw it. Why? Because I have a small fear of dogs, and that dog looks VERY unhappy. A family friend had a Husky as a pet when I was little, and the thought of her making a face like that is…unsettling. It loses points for the terrible photoshopped image that is supposed to be the “scarier” smiledog, but wins points for the concept and that demented looking husky.

Another honorable mention goes to The Face Upstairs which, although classified as a trollpasta, holds a special place in my heart for making me laugh so hard I was hiccuping, which is very hard to do. I love sending it to friends just to mess with them. It really captures the power of storytelling, especially scary storytelling, and turns it on its head. It’s certainly worth a read, or a listen, if you have the time and don’t mind the transition from fear to laughter.

My final honorable mention goes to The Strangest Security Tape I’ve Ever Seenfor being an absolute MASTER at the skill of mindfuckery. If you haven’t read it or listened to it yet, give it a look-see, I promise you won’t regret it. It’s strange that something as simple as a security tape at a gas station can even give yours truly a case of the chills.

Without further delay, let’s begin the Creepypasta Countdown!

10:  The Three Kings Ritual

Ritual Creepypastas have fantastic deep roots in urban legends, and I wanted to get off to a good start with one of these. I love hearing about different urban legends, and even helped to fuel one on my undergrad campus, (That the giant orangutan statue would come to life on Halloween night.) But why choose the Three Kings Ritual? I find that other creepypastas relating to rituals usually involve some kind of monster threatening the summoner, be it the Midnight Man, a possessed doll, a one eyed ghost, or even the Devil himself. This story does not. Another reason is that I have actually done this, and it is VERY easy to spook yourself out in the dark, even if it doesn’t work. Overall a creative, interesting, and creepy experience if you are bored with a friend and have nothing else to do. http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Three_Kings_Ritual

9: The Man in the Window

M.Night Shyamalan should take notes. THIS is how you do a twist. THIS is how you freak someone out at the very last moment and make them shiver in their boots. A very modern twist on Poe-esque storytelling, this story is enjoyable even after you know what actually happens. Although some (annoying) people try to be logical about it, there are many different factors to consider. Who SAYS that the man is crazy? Who SAYS that he didn’t know exactly what he was doing at the moment and just blanked the incident from his mind? This story is a throwback to classic “twist at the last second” horror stories and I LOVE it! http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Man_in_the_Window

8: Pale Luna

One of only two technology-based horror stories on my list, this story unsettled me for many days. It isn’t so much a computer or gaming based Creepypasta as it is a horrific unsolved murder mystery, with the only clue being a computer game. This one is an often unheard of underappreciated gem of an unnerving tale with no real answers. It confused many pasta readers as they expected some kind of monster to pop up or some jumpscare or something to that extent, but there is none. The story is fairly quiet and very slowly builds up to a totally unexpected and horrifyingly realistic conclusion. For a gaming pasta it is free of cliches and (mostly) gore. A well written and chilling tale. http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Pale_Luna

7: Funnymouth

If you want to do a modern horror story using modern technology, this is how to do it. No haunted game cartridges, no plush doll that attacks you with a chainsaw, no “creepy glitches”, just a strange person online and a sickening, stomach churning conclusion. We’ve all spoken to a creepy person online, whether they are trolling us, repeatedly asking for nudes, or just generally being odd. This story takes that simple concept and injects a heavy dose of horror into it. It also deals with dream horror and sleep, which is another concept in scary stories that I find interesting. The idea of a curse hijacking your computer, your life, and later, your body through the computer is a wonderful twist on the oft poorly written internet horror genre. A must read with all the lights turned off, alone at night. http://www.bogleech.com/creepy/creepy-funnymouth.html

6: The Keyhole

The shortest of the stories on my list, this one certainly deserves a spot here. Similar to The Man in the Window there is an unsettling vibe to this tale. It’s short enough to be told around a campfire at night, or at a scary story telling, (which I MISS dearly from undergrad). In the vein of a classic ghost story, it takes place in a hotel where something has happened. Old hotels and, by extension, old houses are the bread and butter of horror, and this story makes fairy toast out of basic bread and butter.  It builds and builds to a startling and unsettling conclusion, and will be enough to keep anyone from peering through keyholes into places where they are not meant to look. http://creepypasta.wordpress.com/2009/02/20/the-keyhole/

5: Room Zero

The sequel to Abandoned by Disney ramps up the horror by omitting the photonegative neck-vomiting Mickey and focusing more on atmosphere and the recollections of people. Out of all the Disney-based Creepypastas, this one is the strongest. Others tend to focus on the first of the duology,but this story, along with the prequel, A Few Suggestions, are my favorite out of the work of Slimebeast, who is also the writer of Funnymouth that is also on this list. He is at his strongest when he focuses on atmosphere and realistic horror, and Room Zerohas a horrifyingly believable edge to it. It takes place during a time where the events that take place could have actually happened. The story builds to a really unsettling peak that does not feature any supernatural events of any sort, but gives a glimpse at true all-encompassing insanity as it engulfs its victims in what was supposed to be the Happiest Place on Earth. http://slimebeast.com/stories/room_zero.php

4: The Rake

The ONLY monster-pasta to appear on my list, this one had to be good in order for me to include it, and it is. While there are many stories covering the creepy looking entity, the most unnerving of them all focuses on a family that is visited by the creature in the middle of the night. That story PREYS off of one’s adult fears, and the fact that this creature, rather than being misunderstood or a victim of circumstance deliberately hunted a child is horrifying. Out of the pasta-monsters, the Rake is written the best out of all, and although totally unbelievable, is haunting in description and character. It’s amazing how something created on a forum by people setting out to create a horrifying monster actually ended up creating a creature so believable, so horrifying, that countless commenters on the Creepypasta wiki mention actually seeing it. The power of suggestion is a terrifying one indeed. http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Rake

3:Candle Cove

EVERYONE knows this story by now, but it deserved this spot on this list due to the sheer mystery and unsettling terror behind it. It isn’t nonstop scares and not once does something pop out and scare you cheaply, but rather, the tension builds slowly. That is the key to a very well written story. Another factor that I love in this story is the nostalgia factor. When we are children, our brains are like sponges, in that they soak up stories, television shows, and games that we played, but when we are adults, we struggle to remember them. The struggle to remember the past, and the Candle Cove television show drives the post, and the conclusion is something that you don’t see coming at all. I found this a very good read, and, to add to it, the artistic community is rich and creative. http://www.creepypasta.com/candle-cove/

2: The Russian Sleep Experiment

This story is BEAUTIFUL…in the most disgusting sense of the word. When I first read it I was in awe of how well written it was and how strangely realistic it was. In the gap period after World War II and the Cold War, who knows what scientists were doing? Secondly, it’s medical horror, my favorite genre to write about, and, while this story is gruesome and has lots of gore in it, it is the medical aspect of it that leaves one feeling chills. As a person who suffers from insomnia, I know the effects of going without sleep for a day or two, and can’t even imagine what fifteen days would do to a person. This Creepypasta did the imagining for me. Of course it’s fictional, but the sheer amount of imagination put into this piece makes it a wonderful read if you like being scared by something that may or may not be real.  http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Russian_Sleep_Experiment

AND THE BEST CREEPYPASTA IS… *DRUMROLL*

1: Gateway of the Mind

This is the Creepypasta I wish I had written. This is the Creepypasta I found myself applauding. This is the Creepypasta that I will recommend to anyone that doesn’t think Creepypastas can be insightful, terrifying, and tragic. Once again, this story is medical horror, with a hefty dose of religious horror thrown in for good measure. Again, it seems acceptable for a time when people believed very strongly in the presence of God in all things, rather than the scientific world we live in today. Many people attempted to reach higher contact with God, which makes this theory so believable. The idea of slowly going mad due to total sensory deprivation is a sensation that is used far too little in horror and creates the sensation of being lost. One feels sorry for the old man in the experiment, but one also is haunted by what he discovers and how far people were willing to go. The final line of dialogue in the piece is truly chilling, and the ending left me in awe. THIS is what a good horror story is made of.  http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Gateway_of_the_Mind

And there you have it! My top 10 Creepypasta stories! To come soon…my top 10 WORST Creepypasta stories, because EVERYONE likes a little negativity and critique from an actual horror writer, right?

The Mythology Snob: Sorely Mythtaken-The God of War Series

*Chugs Glass of Wine* Oh, gods above, where do I begin with this oh so promising series of games that slowly got swished away like abundant sick from a constantly ill party girl hung over a toilet? It started out so well, and so interestingly, but by the third game I was banging my head on the designated “Bang Head Here” sign on my wall all while asking what I, The Mythology Snob, did to deserve such a horrendous interpretation of Greek Myth. So what is it about the journey of steroid posterchild, Kratos, that drives me into an arm flailing rage? Let’s take a look at each game and see what happens.

God of War

The first game, and the best one. I still own this and play it on occasion. Firstly, in this game, rather than being a roided-up meathead like he becomes, Kratos is a sympathetic character. He had murdered his wife and child in a blood rage, and it’s clear in his behavior and speech that he feels deep regret for what he had done. Everything he does, every murder, every beast slaying has a purpose: to bring him one step closer to Ares, who was the evil bastard who put him on this path in the first place. Speaking of Ares, he was a fantastic villain and given the fear and respect that the god of war would merit. The only thing I find to crack jokes about concerning his character is his flaming hair, and that’s just because my sense of humor is so terrible. The bosses in this game are also FANTASTIC, with my favorite being the Hydra battle. It’s just so well done that I find myself resetting just to play it again. My only real gripes with the story concerns minor characters and bosses, like Medusa. Of course, it has to be Kratos that kills her, but for some reason it’s Aphrodite who has it out for the poor tragic naked snake lady. Although Aphrodite is a shallow bitch, it’s actually Athena that wished for her to die and slapped her mug upon her shield. Also the temple of Pandora guardian was just too uninteresting for me. Other than a few nitpicks, this game is solid, and, while it has innacuracies, a random out of nowhere sex game, and a few other oddities I still like it a lot!

God of War II

This game starts with Kratos abusing his power as the new God of War and being a huge asshole, (motives for the gods to hate him much?). He completely ignores Athena, the goddess of WISDOM, and stupidly goes off to try to conquer Rhodes. This ends with him eventually getting killed by Daddy Zeus, who, while also an asshole, had good reason to do so. He is rescued by Gaia, who was the narrator all along, and sides with the titans against the gods. Note how the gods were not at all at fault here, and it’s just the first step in Kratos’s movement from sympathetic anti-hero to completely irredeemable douchecanoe. Kratos then proceeds to murder classic Greek heroes in his quest to reverse time and prevent himself from dying, A.K.A. Murdering the Three Fates. This is where I started to get a little irritated with the series. For some reason, Theseus, not exactly a good guy himself, but doing much better than Kratos, is relegated to mere stable boy for the Fates, who don’t even appear in his story. Also for some reason, Theseus is able to summon copies of his arch-nemesis, the minotaur. What? He also murders Perseus, probably out of some macho way of saying “HA HA I KILLED MEDUSA AND YOU DIDN’T! NYANYANYA”. And then there’s Icarus, who is completely different from his original mythological self in that he’s a crazy old man whom Kratos rips the wings from. Original Icarus was a very foolish child who flew too close to the sun and then died when his wings melted. Although I don’t know what is more discomforting, the fact that Kratos murders a crazy old man near death, or that they COULD have had Kratos murder a child. Another event that troubles me is the fight with Euryale, who is explicitly described as immortal and gifted with horrifying cries rather than eyes that turn people to stone. God of War II still has her turned into a handy dandy trophy for Kratos and provides one of two uncomfortable boss fights against overweight women. Also, I don’t know what part of “immortal” they don’t understand in these games. The other uncomfortable boss fight is against Clotho, dubbed the “Ugliest Chick in Gaming”. Odd, considering that in mythology she is the youngest and prettiest of the Fates, but you can tell that designers deliberately made her gross looking so people would go “eeew a worm woman with 100 tits”. The other two Fates are largely uninteresting and just serve as stereotypical “evil witch” types, so I won’t even bother talking about them. Really, the only fights I liked in this were with the Colossus of Rhodes and the Kraken, both of which were great and interesting, (in spite of being innacurate). The boss fight against Zeus wasn’t TOO bad, but I found it generic. Basically, God of War II was taking steps away from sad antihero and steps toward insane evil loon. So many things in it were innacurate or ignorant of the mythology, and somewhat offensive when you think about them a little too much, (It’s ok to kill fat women and completely DESTROY the cycle of life and death to get REVENGGGEEEE). And this isn’t even my least favorite game in the series…oh joy of joys.

God of War III

*Finishes second glass of wine* This one is a doozy. This is the game that made me realize that God of War was no longer a good series. As tipping downward as the second game was, this game really…really irked the Mythology Snob in me. Let me begin with the fact that Kratos KILLS nearly the entire Greek pantheon in this game. Yeah, that’s right. He KILLS immortal, all powerful, skillful deities. Only Apollo, Artemis, Aphrodite, and Demeter seem to escape his wrath, along with a few demigods. I will start at the beginning and work my way down the list of gods and titans killed. Poseidon, yep, the god of the seas is the first to go, and it is NOT pretty as you see Kratos crush his eyes from his point of view. Poseidon is one of the coolest gods in Greek mythology and is in complete control of the seas and their phenomenon, so it would have been easy for him to trounce Kratos. Nope, super manlyman wins and dispatches him in a humiliating manner, because “HURR ME STRONG, ME COOL ME-” Ok. I’m not even to the part that makes me the angriest about this game, I need to calm down. THEN you fight Hades, a guy who has every right to want to kill you, but BADASS Kratos disposes of the Lord of the Dead in an actually cool fight, rather than the humiliating treatment given to Poseidon. Let’s also talk about the repercussions from killing this guy. Zombies. Zombies everywhere. Yeah, not such a good idea huh, Kratos. Oddly enough, it is the two bosses after this fight that made me the angriest: Helios and Hermes. First of all, Helios is not a god. He is a titan. He is also responsible for the entire SUN. So how does God of War III depict him? As a whimpy ass god in a flaming chariot who you don’t even FIGHT so much as close your eyes and rip his, (STILL ALIVE) noggin from his shoulders. This death made me literally sick. Like, I’m not even joking, I had to leave the room and throw up. This guy suffers through SO much, screaming as you use him as a flashlight for all eternity…just so you can use him as a flashlight. Moving on, there is only ONE god in this game who I feel was portrayed in an accurate manner, my favorite of the Greek pantheon: Hermes. Hermes in every essence of the word is a trickster and my goodness, is he funny. Everything he accuses Kratos of is correct, and his mocking of the stupid meathead was delightful to listen to. People hate his boss fight because he just runs away screaming and making fun of Kratos, but really, it was all he could do, and he tried. I was really upset to see him die as Kratos literally KILLED COMEDY. This is a MAN’S game you know?! NO place for shits and giggles! *finishes third glass of wine* The fact that bugs come out of his body and people become diseased bothers me, along with the fact that Kratos has stooped SO low that he would cut the legs off of a man who clearly stands no chance against him just to get his fancy shoes. To prove how low he has stooped, he later murders an innocent woman in cold blood to open a puzzle, and breaks Hera’s neck even though the lady is clearly drunk and has no idea what she’s saying. To keep this short, Hercules’ name is Greek is “Herakles” and Hera actually hated him. Gaia dies from a case of heartburn as her son and grandson fight like morons in her chest. Hephaestus is impaled for DARING to try to protect his daughter. Annnd, Aphrodite is a minigame to make the men feel even more manly. DUDE I boned a GODDESS! *snortsnort* This game…this game…I don’t even.

I stopped playing after God of War III grossed me out so much with its macho anti-woman, anti-alternative sexualities, anti-common sense, realistic gore, mythology shitting on shitty shit shit shi- Sorry. Although, I hear that God of War: Ascension was also terrible in its treatment of Castor and Pollux, who are for some reason siamese twins in the vein of Nigel and Sebastian of House of the Dead:Overkill. Sadly, taking one of my favorite horror game bosses and trying to make a mythological meaning out of it doesn’t work, mostly because Castor and Pollux were not mutants. Also, I heard the final bosses were very boring, similar to the Fates in that one of them is monstrous, and the other two are generic “witchy ladies”. It is really sad that God of War took such a turn for the worst, because I love the first game still. It was an enjoyable romp through an idealized Greek myth land with a slightly sympathetic character, but, after that it just became a poster child for everything that is wrong with machoman games and modern “interpretations” of mythology.

Next time on The Mythology Snob, something that makes me a little bit happier: Shin Megami Tensei, an amazing series of games that gets so many things RIGHT that what it does wrong is minimal. In the meantime, time to fetch my best sandals and prettiest dress and go make some bad jokes!

(The wine featured for this review is from the Queen’s Cup series, produced by Mount Hope Estate and Winery: http://www.parenfaire.com/ . The Raspberry Honey Wine is a sweet mead flavored with just a touch of raspberry sweetness and is one of my favorite wines from the collection. I certainly recommend picking up a bottle if you prefer sweeter wines. )

The Mythology Snob: Introduction

As visitors might not know, I am generally a very down-to-earth person. I do have streaks of sarcasm and bad humor, but I am generally not snobbish or uptight about anything. Then there’s the issue of mythology. Oh boy.

When confronted with a horrible affront to mythology that is not meant in a satirical manner, I go full-blown snob on it. You see, mythology of all sorts has been a large part of my life since I was young. I recall obsessively taking out books of Greco-Roman, Norse, and Egyptian myths from my elementary school library, and even “rescuing” several of the books when they were set to be discarded. When I moved on to college, I became engrossed in Sumerian, Babylonian, Hindu, and Buddhist mythology and took out several kinds of anthologies and religious texts to read in my free time, (nerd, I know). I found myself drawn to video games based on mythology, starting with the Shin Megami Tensei series of JRPGS. Recently, I have discovered SMITE, and it has been a blessing to my life as it respects the original material while incorporating humor.

What about humor, exactly? Humor to me is fine to include in mythology, which I suppose is why I am such a fanatic of Disney’s Hercules. It gets a lot of things wrong, and of course, censors and whitewashes a lot of things, but it also includes a lot of goofy in-jokes for people familiar with the mythology. Some myths themselves are hilarious, such as one of my favorite stories in Norse mythology, The Lay of Thyrm. Generally, I only find myself irritated when a game, film, or franchise totally misses the point of a character or myth, or they try to make an alternative interpretation that is more “edgy” more “acceptable” or more “understandable”.

This small series will have my thoughts on certain characters and stories in mythology that I am a huge fan of, and reflections of good interpretations and very very BAD interpretations thereof. Of course, booze of some sort will likely be involved.

The Sullivan Victims: A Study in Booze and Terror, 21121

21121: The Receiver of Wisdom

Well here we are, the final victim of the “new types”, and the main character of Silent Hill 4: The Room, Henry Townshend. I generally don’t mind Silent Hill protagonists. They can range from extremely down to earth and relate-able, to strongly devoted and heroic, to dumber than a sack of bricks and lacking in common sense, (*cough* James *cough*). Henry, however, is just boring. No, I don’t outright dislike him like I do the revamped Harry from Shattered Memories or the delusional action star Alex from Homecoming, but Henry doesn’t interest me to the extent that the characters surrounding him do. All of the other characters have a stronger motivation to fight Walter Sullivan’s ritual, or at least, they all knew him at some point in his life. Henry just seems to have picked the wrong apartment to live in at the wrong time and wanders aimlessly through the otherworld reacting to things.

Although I personally find Henry boring, I have to acknowledge that he has his own fanbase, as does just about every character in this game, and his fanbase, while composed of a highly vocal set of teenyboppers, see something in the character to like. Is it his everyman appeal? Is it the fact that in spite of everything he still pursues an exit to his apartment? Is it his stupidity in certain situations? Is it his prettyboy looks? The answer is likely the last one, but I can still respect anyone who has the guts to travel through an otherworld nightmare armed with whatever they can find just out of a sheer urge to escape and continue life as normal.

When it came to this drink, I was actually inspired by the nutrition drinks found around the world that are used for healing small amounts when someone or something clobbers you. This drink is very simple, like the character it is inspired by, but is sure to be well accepted by anyone who likes fruity alcoholic bevvys. It is based on popular “healthy” beverage Vitamin Water, too. What the hell?!

Receiver of Wisdom

3oz “Revive” Fruit Punch Vitamin Water

3oz apple cider

1oz Cranberry Vodka

Ice

Add ice to a tall glass. Pour in all of the ingredients and garnish with a slice of lime or orange. Prepare to descend into hell and find the “ultimate truth”, or just kick back and relax.

Character Page: http://silenthill.wikia.com/wiki/Henry_Townshend

This concludes my set of alcoholic drinks inspired by the new-type victims and supporting characters in Silent Hill 4. However, this does not conclude my list of Silent Hill 4 inspired beverages for you to enjoy. More will be soon to follow. In the meantime, stay cool, and don’t be afraid to develop a go-to catchphrase, (Make it something more interesting than “What the hell?” though, will you?).

https://i0.wp.com/img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131228111722/silent/images/6/69/Henryaxe.jpg

The Sullivan Victims: A Study in Booze and Terror, 20121

The Mother Reborn:20121

“Beck, why isn’t there a placard for this one?” Why, inquiring reader, that is because if one plays their cards right when playing through, The 20th Sacrament of the Mother Reborn, Eileen Galvin, does not actually die. Eileen herself is a pretty bland character, seeming like the everywoman counterpart to Henry’s everyman. She’s pleasant, polite, loves watching tv, and owns creepy stuffed animals, just like every average 20-something.

While she is bland, she is certainly a tough character in her own way. She is violently clobbered by Walter toward the end of the apartment otherworld and is found once again in the hospital otherworld, heavily banged up, scared, and with nowhere to go. As such, the follows Henry through the rest of the game. Some players have emphasized their frustration with her being a “burden” throughout this part of the game, but I actually didn’t mind escorting her. Some players are more than tempted to leave her behind with one of the many monsters, murderous ghosts, or even Walter who starts to stalk the player throughout this part of the game. However, this almost always guarantees her death. I don’t mind looking after Eileen, and usually equip her with a weapon so she can defend herself. My only problem is her lack of reaction to seeing the monsters and ghosts, one of which she knew as a friend when he was alive. One would think she would be more than a little horrified to see an angry reanimated Richard teleporting toward her with a crowbar in hand.

When it comes to Eileen, the things that are most memorable about her are her outfits. At the start of the game she appears in a denim skirt and a white and pink striped shirt, but toward the end of the game, since she dressed for a party, she dons a dark purple dress. More credit to Eileen for doing basically the same thing as Henry, just in a tiny dress and heels! As such, I decided a shot set, featuring the two unique colors, would be the best option to capture this character in booze form.

The Mother Reborn

Sweet Revenge strawberry liqueur

Parfait d’Amour

Whipped Cream

Strawberry Pop Rocks

Black Sprinkles

Fill one shot glass with Sweet Revenge and top with whipped cream. Fill the second glass with Parfait d’Amour and top again with whipped cream. Top the pink shot with the strawberry Pop Rocks and the purple shot with black sprinkles. Hope that your luck changes before the party…

Character Page: http://silenthill.wikia.com/wiki/Eileen_Galvin

Join me next time for the next drink and the next victi-er…character. Remember to keep your eyes open and your mind steeled. You never know if someone is trying to get in..

https://i1.wp.com/img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080201032151/silent/images/a/ac/Eileen_Galvin_2.jpg

The Sullivan Victims: A Study in Booze and Terror, 19121

19121: Chaos

While that placard might look like the lamest most uninteresting design you have seen thus far, I assure you, this character is ANYTHING but lame and uninteresting. Oh yes, that’s right. We’ve gotten to the victim that should have been the protagonist of the entire game, at least in my opinion, anyway. The 19th Sacrament of Chaos, and one of the most badass characters to ever grace a Silent Hill game, Richard Braintree is not an easy fellow to describe. This is partly because the developers put so much work into him, and partly because he is my favorite character in the game.

“Why, Beck? Why is he your favorite character?”, you ask. I just chuckle and ask if you have played the game. As I stated before, Richard is a very complex character for a side character. He is pleasant to some people, particularly Eileen and Henry, who he even tries to help out, but he is an absolute monster to others. This is the man who, when he was bumped into by a creep who he knew was stalking and harassing another tenant, pulled him into his apartment, beat the ever loving tar out of him, and sent the blood covered cretin running naked through the halls screaming. He also doesn’t really like children, but we never find out why, just that he doesn’t like them snooping around the apartments unattended. Finally, the man appears to be made of iron. He falls from a massive building and just says “Ouch, damnit”, and immediately afterward is ready to shoot whatever is approaching him. That is why Walter’s killing of him is even more…shocking, if you pardon my pun. I recall watching the scene the first time I played the game and wondering why Henry didn’t even try to find a plug for the electric chair that he was strapped into. Amazingly, even though there are tons of volts coursing through his body, Richard STILL tries to get a message about his killer out to Henry before he dies. That is dedication.

While he is a fantastic character alive, Richard makes an absolutely terrifying ghost. Rather than floating around like the other ghosts, he walks and even appears to teleport in rapid movements. The gaunt, blood drenched, convulsing spirit is horrifying enough in appearance, but along with that, he is one of the hardest hitting enemies in the game and can manage to smack you with a crowbar several times before you can even land a hit on him. He also appears to be laughing once he gets up from a heavy hit, as if mocking you, daring you to take him down.

This drink was surprisingly easy to come up with. I wanted something unique, but very very strong. I was inspired by two things when it came to the components that I decided to use. The first one is the character’s eyes, which are a very haunting light blue color in the artwork. The second was the blood-covered ghost that he becomes. The icy color of the drink also speaks to the character’s standoffish but polite manner toward some, and the violent red speaks to his dark and angry side and tendency to lash out at others. Drink one of these to feel like you too can fall off a building unharmed, (but don’t do that, it’s a bad idea).

Chaos

2oz Hpnotiq

3/4oz gin

3/4oz citrus vodka

splash of lime juice

Energy drink (like Red Bull) or Lime Seltzer to top off

Grenadine

Ice

Add ice to a glass. Pour in all of the ingredients but the grenadine and stir together. Very slowly add small amounts of grenadine and watch them float and swirl in the drink like blood before sinking to the bottom. Enjoy the electrifying flavor and try not to get lost in a freaky world.

Character Page: http://silenthill.wikia.com/wiki/Richard_Braintree

Join me next time for the next drink and the next victi-er…character. Enjoy your hopefully quiet night at home, but remember to keep an eye out for ghosts, lest you be shocked that you encounter one…literally…

https://i2.wp.com/img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090119220522/silent/images/5/56/Victim19.jpg

The Sullivan Victims: A Study in Booze and Terror, 18121

18121: Watchfulness

Now that is a cool looking placard, right? A giant eyeball with flames coming out of it, stylized in the form of something that one would see in Buddhist artwork on Buddhapada and Hamsa hands. Unfortunately, The 18th Sacrament of Watchfulness is the most boring out of all of the Sullivan victims, and generally not a very nice fellow either. No, Andrew DeSalvo deserved to be drowned in the very prison where he drowned, cut up, and poisoned so many children. What could have made his death better or more satisfying? Walter could have gotten more creative with the torture equipment in the death chamber.

So you say, “Beck, why are you condemning this character right off the bat? Nobody is purely good in this game, they all have done some questionable things.”. Well, part of the condemnation comes from the fact that the character is about as dull as saltine crackers served on a plain paper plate. Although, I can’t sit here and bash Andrew entirely. His ghost is hilarious beyond reason, almost like the creators of the game knew that between the heavily emotional hit of the spirit of 17121 and the sheer pantswetting terror induced by the spirit of 19121, that we needed something to make us laugh. To put it into perspective, the cutscene begins with the sound of jolly singing, and then you see Andrew’s fat bloated corpse with a big stupid grin on its face floating around and singing. The fact that he comically gets stuck in pipes while pursuing you adds to the humor, along with the fact that his most dangerous attack is a belly flop. The other ghosts might have some mild air of comedy about them, like Jasper’s gurgling and Cynthia’s crazy lizard walk, but Andrew seems to be designed the way he was for pure comedy. And for such a rotten, despicable fellow, I must say, at least he made something of himself and finally brought some semblance of joy to someone, (I’m sure Henry and Eileen had a good laugh at his expense).

I deliberated on the recipe for this drink for the longest time. How could I take a character that is both boring and bitter and make something great out of it? No beverage should ever be boring to the palette. And then it hit me. I had to make a drink for the designated drivers, abstainers, and younger readers that might stumble upon the site. It totally works into the theme of “Watchfulness” and, as for the drink itself, it’s a fun twist on an Arnold Palmer, which is, interestingly, one of my favorite non-alcoholic drinks.  It’s also a play off of the dirty water with leeches that Andrew had Walter drink when he was a child, although much more harmless. This drink will allow you to keep a watchful eye on those darn kiddies.

Watchfulness

3 oz strong brewed iced tea

3 oz limeade

sour mix to taste

ice

sour gummy worms

Add ice to a tall glass. Arrange some of the gummy worms in the bottom of the glass along with the ice. Pour in the iced tea, limeade, and add sour mix. Top with more gummy worms hanging out of the glass and serve with a straw. Sip, and try not to be a huge jerk, this isn’t soda.

Character Page: http://silenthill.wikia.com/wiki/Andrew_DeSalvo

Join me next time for the next drink and the next victi-er…character. Remember, it’s not over till the fat man sings. Wait…do you hear something? Oh no…

https://i2.wp.com/img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090119220352/silent/images/d/d6/Victim18.jpg

Reaction Post Oh My Gosh!

I apologize for the brief interruption, but I feel like this is too big of a thing for me not to react to on here.

The Latest Game of Thrones Episode

*dramatic music*

I feel like my reaction to the thing that happened can be summed up well with this video clip. It’s quite accurate.

Safe to say during the scene that everyone knows about already, I was torn between sobbing, raging, and throwing up my kale salad.