3: Mariska, The Queen of Psychedelia
Ah yes, Psychedelic Rock. One of my favorite musical genres of all. I think part of this is because, as I said, I worked at the Bethel Woods museum for two years, where the Woodstock festival took place in 1969. Being in a museum of nonstop psychedelia gets to you after a while and you find yourself becoming enthralled with the melody. Mariska is one of the most accurate bosses in the game, as, almost every old hippie that I know that my parents were friends with or who visited the museum acted in a very similar manner. Perhaps they were just on drugs at the time. Who knows? Either way, she’s not only a fantastic character but a fantastic boss battle. So…why is she Number 3 instead of Number 2 or 1? Well, that’s simply because I like the next two better. Either way, that is not saying that Mariska is a bad boss. Her battle is the visually fantastic drug trip that it is supposed to be, (There was a booth at the museum that would play a video all around you on several screens and it reminded me a lot of this.) Mariska, however, is a boss that you have to “get” to like. Some people might say that she is weird or that she sounds like she’s having an orgasm when she talks, or that she babbles. But really, she’s a perfect representation of hippie culture and I love her for it. I even had her boss theme as my ringtone for a while.
As hippies were more known for their LSD and weed, it was very hard to come up with an alcoholic drink representing this boss that would be fitting. So I didn’t. This one is the mocktail of the bunch, and you will likely need it after the utter liquor dump that is the first and second cocktails. It’s full of things that are good for you and good for the environment.
6oz brewed organic fair-trade yerba mate or tea
splash of lemon or lime juice
Place berries, citrus juice, mint, and ice in a glass. Muddle lightly. Add mate or tea. Enjoy simply without garnish. This brew will transport you to a world beyond human perception.
2: Vikke, The King of Viking Metal
Oh yes. I just put Vikke at the number two spot. Whatchagonnadoaboutit, skraelings? From Vikke’s ridiculous over the top personality that had me actually laughing after the painful annoyance that was Zed to the fight itself. I wanted this boss to go over the top and it went so over the top that it went through the roof, the atmosphere, and into space. Look at someone and tell them “I just fought a massive Viking zombie with a living bear pelt and a monster sized axe on a flying pirate ship. He shot lightning at me and he even attacked me while in two and later three pieces! I almost got pac-manned by his enormous laser-spewing head!”. See if their jaw doesn’t drop. There are also some people that are more fans of VERY Heavy Metal, (with the guys that sound constipated, just to be clear) that found his boss music weak, but I actually didn’t mind it at all. Then again, I like Folk Metal and classic Metal, what do I know? Back to Vikke himself. He is so involved with the style that he represents that he sounds more like a half-trashed Viking than some metalhead. Rather than sitting in his basement headbanging and wearing gaudy black shirts, Vikke dons a goofy horned helmet and commands his army of “scraelings” from a flying ship. He exercises control over lightning, making him the undead, murder happy equivalent of Thor. All of this, combined with his surprisingly darkly funny nature, (“I’ll use her faaaace to make a hat!”), makes him memorable, and for me, places him this high on my list.
This was perhaps the drink that I struggled with the most. But then it came to me, a stroke of simple genius that I had been overlooking. Vikings are known for their love of mead, which, coincidentally, is one of my favorite alcoholic beverages. Of course, this would have to be involved for this character. However, unless drunk in MASSIVE quantities, mead really isn’t that strong. The solution? A large flagon of mead surrounded by a series of accompaniments. This is also a callback to Vikke himself who fights in one piece, two pieces, and as a head, and also to his bear friend Yumil.
Short and Stout
Mead of your choice, (My personal favorites are from Moctezuma Winery or Honeyrun)
1 shot glass of dark spiced rum of your choice, (I prefer Kraken) for the stomping legs
1 shot of Jaegermeister the lightning slinging upper torso
1 shot Goldschlager for the laser blasting head
1 shot Barenjaeger or other honey liqueur for Yumil
Serve the mead in a chilled mug and enjoy slowly. Over time, enjoy one of the shots. The mead will taste differently with each shot that accompanies it. Congratulations. You have completed part of Vikke’s Viking Creed. It is best to wait for the second part until all your guests have left, though, because that would be horribly awkward.